The Hobo

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Christmas in Larchwood, Iowa had a certain feel to it. There were particular traditions and emotions that will never be recreated exactly, but we keep trying to create a particular feeling now to make my kids feel special and warm. My parents and grandparents are all from Northwest Iowa, two tiny towns called Lester and Larchwood. “Uptown” was a phrase we used often, “When the guys come back from uptown, we will have the chili and oyster stew.” “I had to stop uptown to buy a few last minute things.” Santa himself emerged from uptown at the Severson doorstep to deliver a few early presents on Christmas Eve. “Uptown” Larchwood had a lot going on. Our Christmas Eve was a great night in Larchwood. Sometimes we even got to open presents early.



Every kid has that one present they wanted and begged for. Mine was more of a dream I wanted to fulfill than it was a simple present. I have always been one who likes to laugh and make other people laugh. As a “tween” I convinced myself that comedy would be my life’s work. I could be on stage making people laugh…if I only had an act. My act, I thought, would be a ventriloquist. In order to be a proficient ventriloquist, I would need a dummy. Oh and I would have to learn how to throw my voice or speak without moving my lips. A minor detail. The Sears catalogue looked a little different back then. It was over six inches thick, and it was a day-long activity for my sister Jill and I to flip through the pages and circle what we wanted.



I circled things like a Merlin, and a Pepsi bottle that you twisted at the bottom so it would play the radio. But the real deal was the dummy - that had a star by it! I focused all my efforts on this dummy! He was a Hobo. I’m sure that is a politically incorrect phrase now, but then that is how he was described. The Hobo dummy. He was perfect; he would make my act fabulous. People from all over the world would come to Fort Dodge Iowa to see Julie Moser’s crazy hobo ventriloquist act. I would have them falling out of their seats they would be laughing so hard! All my wanting was quickly turning into begging. This was so much more than a present it would be my life’s work.



I hinted and hinted, letting them know how very important this Christmas present was. My parents got the hint but they didn’t really understand the magnitude of receiving this particular dummy. Any other dummy listed in the Sears catalogue wouldn’t do. It had to be the Hobo model. I convinced myself the others weren’t near as funny. I even had a whole voice worked out. It was hilarious, although I still couldn’t figure out how to talk without moving my lips. I practiced talking a lot! Over time it didn’t seem to matter my lips were moving; I thought the act would be funny enough with just the voice I conjured up for the Hobo.



I couldn’t let on how important this gift really was that Christmas Eve in Larchwood. I chose the chili for dinner when the guys came home from “uptown.” I didn’t eat much; after all my life would change soon if I received the Hobo. How could I focus on chili? I went to church with the family and sang “Oh Come All Ye Faithful” while I selfishly focused on my act. Could a 12 year old do a comedy act at the Hayloft or at The Runway? How could I convince them my show would draw a huge crowd? This would be my big break. First Fort Dodge, then Des Moines and then Hollywood. Me and the Hobo would set the world on fire. It was my destiny to become a comedian with a ventriloquist show where the Hobo was hilarious and my lips moved but the voice was so funny nobody would care my lips were moving. I didn’t know what I would say; I would figure that out later. Minor details.



Finally we returned from church. Presents!!! Cool, I got a Merlin. That was nice, but I had my eye on the large rectangular box placed behind the fake tree. It’s him; I know it, let’s get to the good stuff! I had to wait my turn to open my next present while my sister and brother opened theirs. I can’t tell you what they got, it didn’t matter it was all about me and my dream to become an entertainer! Next present Pepsi bottle that was also a radio. Two for two – I’m doing so well. It’s going to be perfect! The Hobo has to be next! It better be the right one from Sears; otherwise the show will be a flop. I ripped it open, sweat was pouring down my back. It’s him! It’s him! My dream came true. I was going on the road with my buddy the Hobo! I would buy my parents a new house. Everything would be perfect because I would be famous with my Hobo by my side.



Christmas Day wasn’t as eventful as Christmas Eve. All my dreams had been answered. My parents must really love me; they were encouraging my life’s work. I was sure my mom would take me right down to the Hayloft on Monday and tell the manager there’s a new act in town you have to book my young daughter and her Hobo to entertain next week. Everything was going to be just great.



The ride back to Fort Dodge was a long one. Over three hours during the trip I got out the Merlin. Man, this thing was fun. I got pretty good at it too. I played it nonstop all during Christmas vacation. I would get the hobo out of the box soon, first the Merlin was my new obsession. The Pepsi bottle was also pretty loud and Casey Casem’s Top 40 on Sundays came across loud and clear. My radio was the best. The Hobo was still in the box.





By the time school started again, the Hobo was in my closet. I had new dreams. I was so excited but couldn’t commit to a life on the road. I decided I needed to focus on middle school instead of becoming a comedian. I better learn long division and read the classics like Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Where the Red Fern Grows.



I don’t know if my parents really understood my desire to have a dummy. I had told myself a great story. I had my life all planned out based on one Christmas gift. They always managed to support our dreams no matter how crazy they seemed. They never held us back. I think about the technologically advanced gifts my children want for Christmas and wonder if they think the cell phone, iPod, Play Station 3 or other gadgets will change their lives? Maybe? Sometimes a gift is more than a gift it’s imagination at its best. I’m sure I’ve received expensive gifts over the years, but that year the gift was about more than a present it was a silly dream that came true.



The memory of this Christmas is a good one. It makes me laugh and feel good about our past. My career path could have taken a serious turn that year…if I would have managed to speak without moving my lips, or practiced at all with the Hobo. Maybe that’s a good thing, I’ve ended up at a great place where we laugh and smile all this time. I hope this holiday season you laugh at the anticipation and enjoy the smiles. We all have our stories. Have a great time creating yours this season.



Merry Merry Christmas.

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